Attack

I think my family is being attacked by Satanic influences. So many things are "conveniently" going wrong, and it's putting so much stress on my family as a whole.

Tonight I went to Tulsa to do errands and visit my grandpa with scerosis. I sat in the room with him and heard him tell me that if he doesn't get better he just wants to die. I had no idea what to say to that. I think he's saved, but it just didn't seem right to ask him at that time.

Nathan's son has to have a third surgery tomorrow to try and seal the hole in his back where spinal fluid is leaking out. I keep my feelings at such a distance, because they are at a distance. It's like it's not real, but it keeps hitting us in the face. The doctors just can't seem to get it right. My mom is with them, but has been having horrible nightmares at night.

My dad has had random things go wrong all day. My brother Joel is living with us again and so now we all carry his burdens, both financial and spiritual. And me? Well, I just feel so alone that it scares me.

After saying goodbye to my grandpa, I had to go to church. I went to a church that I'd never been to before. I sat and I soaked up God's word, and then I cried as the body of believers lifted up their voices in praise and prayer to our Mighty God who is able to deliver us from all of this. I felt more "at home" there per se, than I do at my own church.

All I can do is fall on my face before God and weep for my family. I'm not feeling sorry for my family or me, but it hurts. It just hurts.