A Vile of Complacency

As I was walking across my college campus today, I was gently smacked across the face with the reality that God has created such a work of art right here in front of my eyes, yet I fail to let that sink into my soul on a daily basis! I believe that the verse in Luke 19:40 is absolutely true when it mentions that the rocks will cry out in praise if the praises from men cease. How complacent I've become in not only recognizing such an amazing God in his creation, but to realize that I'm his creation too! I was thinking today about how I got here to NGU. It's almost laughable how much my plans for life have changed from what I thought they would be, yet what an amazing story God is writing through my life! I don't think it's prideful to realize what a beautiful story a life is, when it brings glory to God. I started off in a small town in Oklahoma with ambitions to go to school out of state. I almost went to Liberty University, but could not find a peace from the Lord. I ended up at Bob Jones University where my character was tried by the fires of legalism, religion, meekness, and dicipline. What a year that was! Looking back, I didn't think I'd make it through alive. Then the summer of transition occurred. It was Cedarville or Bust, and that soon turned to North Greenville University or bust. I picked NGU, never having seen the campus, because of its philosophy regarding a Christian's role in theatre. August came, after a terrible summer full of crippling happenings, and I arrived on the campus of North Greenville.

I will never forget the first day here. All of my belongings were in the back of my sweet toyota tacoma pick up truck, and everything was soaked due to rain in Oklahoma on the night before I left. Yeah, it was discouraging. Then a proceeded to have one of the, what I thought would be, the toughest semesters of my life. I knew no one at NGU, and my roommate was crazy. I hated being in my room, and felt utter rejection from every corner. My grandpa died, and then I got really sick. Then Christmas came, and I found myself actually wanting to go back to NGU. That was different from sentiments regarding BJU.

Spring semester was when life seemed to get better. I became a music minor, rushing into the activities of choir and voice lessons. I met Kyle Stelling, who was also new in the dept. He was the only kind soul to me. We would always eat lunch together, in hopes that the music majors who also ate lunch at that time, right after choir, would come and sit with us. It took a long time for that to happen, but it finally did. THEN, I met Rebecca Bonus in February, and discovered the gem called Kelly Sundt on Choir Tour. I had arrived, and life was good. : ) I auditioned for Joyful Sound and Act Two, receiving Act Two's acceptance. I also found out I'd been accepted for an internship program in New York City for seven weeks. WHAT?!?! But I'm from Morris, Oklahoma, God!! Are you sure about this!?!? Oh yes he was. New York was so challenging and invigorating. I saw man's ambition at its finest, but life was very stressful when the bed bugs came and the Salvation Army owned my soul!

Fall Semester arrived, and I thought God hated me! I had just finished having one day of rest from 7 straight weeks in NYC, when I had to drive to school. I decided to take the car to school instead of the truck. I didn't want things to get wet again! My car had a container on the top that I was returning to some friends. The container vibrated against the top of my car so loudly that I was laughing hysterically about it within an hour. Only 15 more to go!
I lost my turn signal cover in Tennessee, and then I lost my mind outside of Knoxville when the carrier on top of my car came undone. I pulled onto the side of the road at 10 pm to realize that I was standing in an ant pile. Not good news. I relocated to a gas station where I had to take the carrier off the top of my car and somehow fit one half of it in the back seat and the other half in my trunk. The trunk had to be ghetto rigged and tied down for me to make it. The last three hours of the trip were spent at ungodly speeds. I needed to get there, fast. I did. And then the Act Two training began.

Act Two was going to be cool! I liked my characters that I played, and I thought the team thing would be neat. Music Theory came knocking at my door, and along with that, came Creepy Ben. Creepy Ben was my stalker who seemed to invade every aspect of my life. He took away my personal space, my privacy, and my independance. He followed me around, ran up to me if I was within 50 feet, watched me in the practice rooms, watched for me in the practice rooms, sat in front of me during class only to stare at me until i recognized him, play music in theory and dedicate it to me while yelling at me to listen to him, and every now and then he would stroke my back ever so subtly with his hand. I did not know how to handle him. He ate away at every part of me because he seemed like he was emotionally unstable, and I did not want him to get upset by me and hurt anyone, including himself. During the stalking, I was directing the most emotionally draining show I've ever had to deal with. My dear friend wrote a one-man show on his life's testimony. He has really been through the fire, and I would sit in a practice room with him, listening to him recite lines with tears running down his face. I would remind him that God is good, and He was not in that place anymore. That was one of the hardest, most sobering things I've ever embarked upon. Through that project, I got to know some really good musicians and friends. It sounds silly, but I feel like that bond will always be there for me. They may not feel it, and maybe it means I got too emotionally involved in everything. I don't know, but I'll never forget any of it. Once the show was over, I immediately was assigned to assistant direct another show. This show was lame, and not well written. Plus, I was more on the darker side of the art and did not want to deal with a show about Christmas! The director had no backbone or vision for the piece, so I entered the picture and helped her get the job done with as much integrity as we could muster. FINALLY...the semester was done, and so was I. I had let myself be destroyed by the stress and the emotions, and was in one of the most down trodden places I've been in a long time. I didn't think I'd make it through.


Second semester came. I told myself that this semester didn't have to be like last semester. I
believe that, and I have made that a reality. January came, and so did the opportunities.
I was given two major opportunities. Act Two leader or Box Office Manager for next year came up. I was given an ultimatum. Either I took over the box office, received scholarship and workstudy, or I accept the Act Two leader position for next year and get kicked out of theatre work study. That was a heart wrenching decision. I chose Act Two. That transition was pretty tough. I felt like I was being disowned by the theatre dept. because I did not want to do what was "expected" of me. Then auditions occurred, and I did not get cast. I thought it was a conspiracy and decided to seek the truth. I did, and it was no conspiracy. In fact, I have enjoyed so much this semester of "rest" from being in shows and rehearsals. I was so burnt out that I lost myself. This semester God has still shown himself so faithful to me. Among many other things, he's given me a place to live this summer, of no charge to me, and a paying theatre job at Centre Stage.

In reveiwing the things that God has brought me through in my two years at NGU, I realize how poisonous my own complacency can be. ha, to quote a song we sing in choir, "Trust and never doubt, Jesus will surely bring you out. He never failed me Yet!"