Therapy

Today I started going through my "Making Peach with your Past" book. I will admit openly that I was very skeptical about being in therapy. I am still skeptical and scared at what I might discover about myself. I started reading the first few lessons today, and I'm excited about what may come out of it. It started talking about dysfunctional families. I didn't find any primary traits in my family, but I did realize that there are secondary traits within my family as well as some emotions that I've been dealing with, but have hidden away for some time. For example, shame. I've got some shame associated with various events in my life that actually affects the way I see myself. It's scary to think that I might actually benefit from this. I always have to be the strong one. It's like if I pretend to be okay, strong, fine, and in control, no one will realize how susceptible I really am. I'm excited about maybe finding healing through this study and Christ's love. There is such a plethera of emotions throughout this journey though. I feel almost ashamed that I need help to get through this, but then I am frustrated because I just can't work through it by myself. My twelve week process has officially begun.

Funk

I'm in a funk, and I'm not sure how to get out of it. I'm back at school. woo-hoo? I just don't know. It's almost like a post-travelling depression that's kind of settled over me. Today was the first day of classes and I woke up and didn't want to go to anything. That's not encouraging. I'm not sure. I think it's a severe insecurity coming over me. Last semester I was the new kid, so I was trying so hard to figure everything and everyone out, and now I just feel like the rest is just going to have to come over time? And I wonder if anyone really knows who Leah is at all. I'm wondering if I even know who Leah Thomas really is. Yeah, all this in the first 2 days that I've been here. Good grief.