Gag Reflex meets confession

Today was one of those days when I wished that everytime I was uncomfortable with what was said or done around me, I could have just thrown up and used the excuse of being sick to leave. Today at lunch, I was so uncomfortable with the people around me. They were being disgusting and perverted to a pretty extreme extent. What did I do? I just SAT THERE and didn't say a word!!!!!!!!!! AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!! WHY DIDN'T I JUST LEAVE!? I don't know what to say. I felt like I betrayed myself and the Holy Spirit residing with/in me. I literally felt sick. Paralyzed, I sat there until I truly could stand no more and my class was going to start. Why is it so hard to seperate from other Christians? I don't expect them to be perfect, but the concept of seperating myself from other brothers and sisters in Christ is so hard!

Tonight I was in a rehearsal for "The Seagull." I run the lights for the show, so I get to be all official with my head set and all. There were 4 of us on head sets. 2 girls who I'm not very close with, and a good guy friend of mine. The girls would constantly talk bad about people. I felt trapped because I had to have a head set on and couldn't escape, but did I say anything!?!? NO!!! AHHH!! Every time the girls would get off the head sets, my guy friend would tell me that he hates them! So it's like I hear the grunt of it from both ends! There are times when i even take part, ashamedly. It's just so discouraging on every side, and I end up hating my spineless actions. sigh.